Saturday

stream of consciousness - nanowrimo chapter two

I don’t know what the others are thinking or even if they are. I know I wasn’t until I got back here. The coffee shop was somewhat of a daze and our reasoning for being there, well, that’s probably best not dwelled upon. Since this whole ordeal began I have determined not to think about it for numerous reasons. The main one being fear. I can’t afford to break down or to cry or mourn for those I have lost. I don’t want to lose myself. I am afraid. I feel safe here, I feel safer now than I have for a while. In a perverse way I feel safer than I did before the end of the world. Here right now I feel at home.

This house isn’t exactly home but I have always considered home to be where I am at any particular moment in time. One of us found this place, I don’t know how. It could be a relative of one of those that I hold dear. I can’t quite remember right now and I doubt it is relevant as chances are they are dead now anyway. It’s nice though, much nicer than I could have ever afforded. Probably not to everyone’s taste, there is a definite antiquated feel to the place. On the corner of a roundabout above a bank this flat is full of what an especially imaginative estate agent would probably describe as charm. Would probably have described. There are no estate agents any more. To get in you go through a door within a door. The original door is over eight foot tall and thick heavy oak, to swing it open might prove somewhat of a bastard so at some point a smaller door within the door was added. The same old dark oak with the added bonus of ease of entry. Ease of entry if you have the key of course and if you haven’t dropped the heavy bar behind you. This could be why we ended up here, it’s not easy to get into and isn’t immediately obvious as a place where people live. The staircase to the upstairs is wide and carpeted with an ancient but tasteful thick red and gold carpet. A dusty chandelier provides an amber glow, which cannot be seen from outside as there is neither window nor a gap in the oak door from which it could pour. Photographs from someone else’s life line the stairs, sepia tinged in black frames happy children smiling old couples and two people, young people, in love. They are all quite likely dead I think.

The stairs creak as you ascend which concerned me when we first moved in but doesn’t concern me now. There are less of us to make it creak now which helps I guess. At the top of the stairs an unremarkable door propped open by a brass horse leads into the study. This is a strange entrance really but it suited someone well enough. The study is a small mezzanine which overlooks the main living room. The far wall covered in shelves of books asides the gap made to fit the large walnut desk with its green leather padding. The armchair old and expensive looking, the lighting modest and low lit, the books diverse but obviously on closer inspection someone’s collection of first editions. They are beautiful and they smell like comfort to me. The walls are painted a familiar red and a central painting of a child at a stream in a gilt frame has a small light above it. The light no longer works, the bulb blew three days ago. We see little point in replacing it. A small black iron staircase leads to the lower level that is the living quarters. I was scared of spiral staircases once upon a time, I hated the way they narrowed in the centre and never being the surest of people on my feet I was always convinced I was going to fall. I never fell but that’s the thing with irrational fears, they’re irrational. This living room is split level too, sort of. You step down to the fireplace and the sofas and step up to the windows. The windows are resplendent with black out blinds and thick red velvet drapes that were once held back by gold cord. We’d look out the windows but out here there’s nothing to see. We keep the blinds down and the curtains closed and we feel safe with a little light.

Two sofas and an armchair focus around the ornate fire surround with wood burning stove. This is odd for London but perfect for us. We overcame our fears of the smoke days back now, there’s smoke everywhere so a little more won’t matter.

I light a cigarette, it tastes nice.

9 Comments:

Blogger Dean said...

Cool stuff, but I think I need to start from the beginning. :) Keep it up!

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