stream of consciousness - chapter four

I don’t know what the others are thinking or even if they are. If I want to I can remember a little. The women died first. I do not know why but this is how it went. The women first followed by the children. I assume because there was no one to look after the children any more. We saw the occasional woman up until five days ago, dragged around by groups of wild crazy eyed men. They’d share her. They shared her in the streets. By the time the women started to go all shame had gone too. All pride all shame, all things that make us human, us poor once beautiful creatures. The women didn’t seem to care that they were shared in public like this. If they could even think anymore I expect their main concern was the torn out teeth and nails that stopped them from tearing the others apart.

I am, you see, pretty unusual in these respects. I didn’t take to the madness and I didn’t die and the men have left me alone. Except for that one time but those that I hold dearest saved me. They saved me with their impassivity. The men expected a struggle I think. They expected me to kick and scream and the men to fight them to stop them taking me away. But I didn’t struggle and they didn’t interfere and the men left me alone.

Sometimes there are still children but anything that made them childlike died alongside their mothers. They are as mad and as dangerous as everyone else now. I don’t know why we are unaffected. No, no, unaffected is the wrong word because disaffection is what we suffer from now. But the madness that has engulfed the others who are living through the end of all things has left us alone. I don’t know if we are the only ones who remain like this. I don’t know if our disaffection is itself a symbol of a madness but as long as I’m not trying to eat my friends and am still sane enough to wear clothes I think disaffection is ok by me.

I think also that it frightens the others; they give us a wide berth. It’s like those people who went to Halloween parties in their day to day claiming themselves as serial killers because “they look just like you and me”. It’s an awful cliché but they might have been on to something. The quietly normal is always more disconcerting than the outright bizarre. I asked one of the lost people many days ago why they left us alone, he was bleeding from his bare chest and his eyes were wide and wild. I asked him why he didn’t come for me like the others and he just screamed and ran away. I would have liked an answer. It would have been nice to know.

I wasn’t the only woman. The girlfriend of one of those I hold dearest was with us until a week ago but she couldn’t hold it together. She was a tall girl; she looked strong with her hair pulled into a fierce ponytail and a face set with determination. We found her by the front door one morning, scratching at the ancient oak with fingers that had most of the once long and manicured nails pulled out. I don’t know if it was the scratching at the door or the scratches she inflicted on her bare arms and legs that made her lose the nails. We tried to talk her round but she never spoke a word after this. Just a low guttural moan that wouldn’t stop and eyes which were red from crying this was all we got from her. We locked her in the small bedroom for a day but the wailing was too much for our nerves. The one I hold dear who loved her took her out early the following morning. He led her down the stairs and into the car. He came back an hour later without her. His eyes looked sore but we didn’t say anything. What can you say? All of us have suffered a loss, we know how acute the pain is at first. I was glad for the quiet though. I hope he killed her. For her sake you understand.
I worry this makes me a bad person.
I mopped up the blood at the foot of the stairs.
I fear the lost ones can smell it.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sister and I love each other, but we fight constantly. We're always saying something rude about one other's hair, clothes, whatever, it doesn't matter, we quarrel. It's getting to the point were free celebrity sex clip will put in ear plugs if he's home with us for too long.
The other night, we thought Daddy might turn us over on his knee like he did when we were younger. We were in the bathroom, standing side by side. I looked over and up at my sister; I hated the fact that she was taller than me. She stands five foot seven inches tall, and I a mere five foot even. I think I also resented the fact that she was older than me. We're two years apart, she's 21 and I'm 19. We both have red hair, blue eyes, and freckles, some people have mistaken us for twins, but we're a year apart. Our bodies are different, she doesn't have much in the way of boobs, 36A, is all her cup size is, and I tease her about it all the time. Me, my boobs are a 36D. She doesn't have much in the way of hips either, very narrow she is, and I tell her she looks like a boy, which pisses her off. I got the better body entirely, I have a very shapely figure, and no one could ever mistake me for a boy. I was telling her that she needed to change her outfit, or buy clothes that fit her better. All her clothes drape o
ff of her like potato sacks; she was yelling at me, telling me that I dressed like a slut and I should be more conservative, when free childporn gallery burst through the door.
"That's enough! I want to hear no more from either one of you! You are driving me insane! You two are too old for this!"
My sister's first reaction is to get defensive and I let her go first.
"Dad, she started it!"
I looked up at Daddy sheepishly.
"No I didn't Daddy. I was just being honest. I can't help it if she can't stand to hear some criticism."
Daddy looked down at me. He knew what I was doing, but he always sided with me.
"You aren't dressed very well at all, free cross stitch patterns."
"You always side with her!"
She turned and gave me a mean look and I stuck my tongue out at her.
"Jessica! That's enough from you too."
I put my eyes down and nodded my head.
"Sorry Daddy I won't do it again."
My sister humphed my way and I moved past her. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed Daddy's cheek. "Sorry to make you angry Daddy."
He patted me on the head and smiled down.
"It's okay Darling. I just wish you two girls would get along."
"I'll try real hard Daddy."
I gave him another kiss, and as I got back behind him I stuck my tongue out at my sister again.
"Daddy! Look! Look what she's doing!"
Daddy didn't turn around.
"That's enough free digimon hentai pic! Get on out of here and go to bed!"
The bickering continued of course, until there was a break when Eliza was out with her boyfriend. I was in my room, reading and listen to music, actually enjoying the fact that she wasn't at home. I really hated fighting with her, but I couldn't ever stop myself from doing it. I heard the front door close and Eliza run up the stairs. I also heard Daddy yelling.
"Eliza, is everything alright?"
"Fine, Daddy, everything's fine!"
From the tone of her voice I knew she was okay. So, I went back to reading. I only got a few lines into the book when my door burst open and in came Eliza looking all flushed and fluttered.
"What's wrong? What happened?"
I fought with my sister a lot but I felt protective over her as well.
"Nothing. Well, okay something happened, but it wasn't wrong."
"What? You lost me somewhere in there."
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My eyes widened, my sister doesn't speak like that.
"Okay, what was it? C'mon you gotta tell me!"
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I watched Eliza go to the door, check the hall, and then close the door completely.
"You did what?"
"You know!"
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"Don't make me mad! Not tonight!"
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"I had sex."
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"What do you mean, is that it?"
"Well, by the way you came in here I thought maybe you'd had the shit fucked outta ya or something. Just having sex isn't anything special."
"You've had sex before?"

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